How do you accept/ respond to compliments?

How do you accept/ respond to compliments?


Just read [this here](https://www.refinery29.com/women-compliment-accept?bucketed=true) about how women typically rebuff compliments from the OP’s informal (could be biased) social experiment. Personal anecdote: Having breakfast with my girl friend, me: your sweater is so cute, friend: it’s really old, later the day, same friend: I like your new hair, me: oh it looks too messy. In retrospect, I lean toward down-play because I’m shy about getting the attention AND talking about it, the intention of downplay is to deflect/ level the attention, not to fish for more. Curious to know about your experience of getting & giving compliments in the context of style:

* Do you/ your female friends rebuff? Is acceptance awkward or expected? Does it differ depending on the gender of the complimenter? Why do you think you respond the way you do? Does it differ with age? What do you think is a good way to respond?



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Comments ( 82 )
  1. brokelittlerichwoman
    March 31, 2018 at 5:41 pm
    Reply

    I usually just smile and say thanks. Also, if I’m really stoked about what I’m wearing, I’m liable to blurt out “it’s from Target!!” because so much of my wardrobe is and cheap clothing excites me.

    Gender doesn’t really matter, but also I don’t have a slew of guys lining up to compliment me.

    I feel like most of my friends also just say thank you. I don’t know a ton of people who rebuff.

  2. alyanumbers
    March 31, 2018 at 5:50 pm
    Reply

    I’m trying to get out of the habit of rebuffing compliments, mostly because I’ve noticed I feel bad if I compliment someone and they rebuff it, and I don’t want people to feel awkward. I now try to remember to smile, thank them, and then maybe add a detail–like where I bought the item, or why I’m wearing it, etc. With complete strangers, I just stick to the smile and thanks.

  3. caupcaupcaup
    March 31, 2018 at 6:00 pm
    Reply

    I say “thank you!”

    I dislike to rebuffing thing. With the “your hair is so cute! Oh it’s too messy” thing, it’s like you’re saying your friend has bad taste. She thinks it’s cute, then you say she’s wrong and it’s not cute. Wtf, that’s mean! Just say thank you.

    Even “you’re so pretty” doesn’t bother me. I still just say thanks, because that’s their opinion, and whether or not I agree is beside the point (I do agree! I’m think I’m pretty!)

    If it’s something I’m truly struggling with, I’ll acknowledge that. “Oh thanks! I’ve been feeling awkward about this skirt, so I appreciate the compliment!” It lets people know that even though you’re insecure about that thing, you appreciate them taking the time to compliment you on it.

  4. emmalightbown
    March 31, 2018 at 6:01 pm
    Reply

    I was having a conversation about this the other day – I’m not great with compliments, they make me feel awkward whether they come from males or females!

    I’ve realised I’m ok with compliments on things I can change/things I’ve put effort into – like “I like your outfit” “that work you did was great” but I have issue with compliments on things I don’t feel I can change like “you’re pretty” or “you have great hair” – I think part of it is that I don’t feel I did anything to achieve those things – it was just what nature and genetics gave me!

    Is that weird or does anyone else feel that way?

  5. cracker-please
    March 31, 2018 at 6:14 pm
    Reply

    I say thanks and give a compliment in return which always makes me feel socially awkward but I was conditioned to return a compliment from a young age, so it is just a habit for me.

  6. Kreepidoll
    March 31, 2018 at 6:26 pm
    Reply

    I say thanks. My hair is the most stylish thing about me, so it’s the thing I get a lot of compliments on. That being said, I’ll respond by saying something along the lines of “thanks, it’s a lot of work, but it’s well worth it!” (I have blue hair).

  7. scarlettlyonne
    March 31, 2018 at 6:26 pm
    Reply

    I generally just smile and say “thanks!” If it’s a clothing item I’m being complimented on, I’ll usually say, “Thanks! It’s from…”

    I did used to rebuff a lot of compliments, but that was due to a failed relationship, in which I was mentally and emotionally abused to think that I was basically nothing. It took me a LONG time to get over that, but if someone compliments me now, I take it in stride.

    However, I generally only get compliments from my family and friends. I don’t know how I’d react if it was a random guy. That hasn’t happened often, but when it has, it was very uncomfortable, because they were the type of guys to go, “you’re so beautiful, can I have a hug? Give me a hug.”

    I do think it matters by person to person, though. Like, with one of my best friends, if we compliment each other, we’ll say thanks, and then talk about the piece of clothing or lipstick or whatever it was, like where we got it, how much it was, etc. If it’s my other best friend, we usually just say something like, “bitch, I know!” and do a little parade or gesture to show off, and then we laugh.

  8. shittersclogged69
    March 31, 2018 at 6:42 pm
    Reply

    I have worked really hard to just say ‘thank you’ when someone compliments me, and not automatically blurt out, like, “I like YOUR hair!” or “I look like a hobgoblin” or “IT WAS $5!”. I realized a while ago that when I compliment someone it’s because I genuinely mean it and I hope that they can take it in as it’s intended! So now I try to assume the same when I’m on the receiving end and just enjoy it for a second.

  9. vaaaare
    March 31, 2018 at 7:03 pm
    Reply

    None of my female friends rebuff, at most a “it was really cheap” that I think is meant more to hype up than to rebuff. Don’t think gender matters. I did have an issue with this (shit confidence levels) but I think I haven’t been rebuffing compliments lately either. Generally it’s just a “thanks!”

    However it’s different when discussing skills, a “thanks, I think it still needs some work though” is pretty common, though I know guys that react the same to the same type of compliment.

  10. facciabella
    March 31, 2018 at 7:04 pm
    Reply

    I try really hard to say thanks and not rebuff compliments because i know if I’m complimenting someone, I genuinely mean it, so chances are the person saying something to me does as well. I also feel like it can come across as fishing for more compliments or additional validation if someone says “oh no, I look like such a mess” or whatever else, even though that’s probably not the speakers intention. I also used to deflect a lot, “oh thanks, but you look beyond amazing” or “thanks, I love your shoes too, where are they from, tell me all the things so we’re not talking about me” but I’m trying really hard to graciously accept nice words and not feel the need to return them or say something I don’t totally feel.

  11. [deleted]
    March 31, 2018 at 7:12 pm
    Reply

    [deleted]

  12. living_in_the_snow
    March 31, 2018 at 7:13 pm
    Reply

    I just say thanks. If the compliment is about a thing (dress, necklace, etc.), then I add some info like “Thank you so much. I got that dress from the shop across the street actually. They have some beautiful summer dresses at the moment.” If the compliment is about me, like “Thank you so much, you really helped us. You are such a kind and helpful person.”. Then I say something along the lines of “Thank you! I always try to be. I think people should in general be more friendly to each other. Like the two of us.” I always try to add something. Ideal is, I can give the compliment back.

  13. m4dswine
    March 31, 2018 at 7:14 pm
    Reply

    I say thank you. It took me a long time to be able to say that without adding something negative into the mix.

  14. FancyPantsDancer
    March 31, 2018 at 7:15 pm
    Reply

    I just say thank you.

  15. dapplegray
    March 31, 2018 at 7:20 pm
    Reply

    Now I accept compliments with a ‘thank you’ regardless of how I feel about it because I appreciate their intent and respect that they may see something I don’t. I personally think self-esteem plays a role in turning someone’s compliment into a debate about how you feel about yourself. When I was young, I used to rebuff like my life depended on it because my family taught me to hate myself. Being complimented was hard because it meant either A. my friends had an ulterior motive; B. my friends were just being nice and dishonest to me; C. everything was wrong about my family life. So yeah, I get why people rebuff, especially when there are self-image issues involved.

    I think culture works like this on a macro level. The few friends I have that still rebuff compliments are Asian women. The culture itself doesn’t randomly compliment people’s looks so they might be a little lost on what to do, but while men seemed to warm up to it quickly, the women always seemed unsure of what to do, because accepting means arrogance and of course there’s always a higher standard of modesty for women everywhere.

  16. dmbf
    March 31, 2018 at 7:20 pm
    Reply

    I say “thanks/thank you” And give a bit of semifactual information. For instance if it’s my outfit then “Thanks! My friend picked it out.” Or “I got it on sale.”

    Another poster mentioned it’s hard to accept compliments on thing they can’t control, like looks or hair. I do the same thing in those cases like “Thanks. I got it from my mom.” Or “I just bought this new hair product.”

    This tactic works for me in every situation except one, because if they are being genuine they probably want to know where the style came from and if they aren’t it’s so short that it’s whatever. It also works whether I agree with the compliment or not. The only time it doesn’t work is when my husband says something like “You’re hot.” I just say thanks, but I hate that as a compliment.

    I roll my eyes super hard when people rebuff compliments consistently. It never comes off as cute or humble or whatever the intention, even though I know people aren’t trying to be obnoxious. I think the biggest part is because I’m not going argue the point. I like it even if they think it’s messy or they haven’t worked out in a long time. It’s my opinion. With people that are really bad about it (my mother and my mil), I respond to rebuffs with just “oh, okay.” Sucks for everyone involved.

    I will admit hat about 50% of the time when people compliment my kid, I accidentally respond with “I know, right?” Because she is another person. I bet it comes off super snotty.

  17. riggorous
    March 31, 2018 at 7:28 pm
    Reply

    I just had a dressing-down from my supervisor about this last week ahaha. Somebody at a conference we were at complimented me and I started with the typical modesty bullshit and she took me aside and was like, if somebody compliments you, say thank you and shut up.

    I think for a lot of people rebuffing is an instinct against giving attention, but counterproductively, rebuffing a compliment prolongs it as a topic of conversation and draws even more attention to the thing they’re complimenting. In general I’ve come to learn that, when in doubt, say less.

  18. doki36
    March 31, 2018 at 7:36 pm
    Reply

    It’s interesting that this article mentioned studies that show women rebuff compliments more when they come from other women. I’d have thought the opposite! Compliments from anyone always make me a little uncomfortable because they’re out of the blue and I don’t expect them, but when a woman (friend or stranger) compliments me, it’s easier for me to say, “oh, thanks!” than if a man compliments me.

    I think part of this has to do with the type of compliment. In my experience, women tend to compliment something specific (i.e. “I love that jacket!” or “great earrings!”) while men are more general (i.e. “you’re pretty” or “you look nice today”). This is just my experience though, so I don’t know if this trend holds for most people.

    Another part has to do with the person, I’ll admit. Even if a man (stranger) compliments me and genuinely means it and does not have a single ulterior motive, it still puts me a little on edge and I’m not sure how to respond. Maybe I don’t want to come off as vain by saying “thanks” or agreeing with him? Maybe I’m afraid the conversation will continue and I don’t want it to? Maybe both? I don’t know. I suppose women, even ones I don’t know, are less threatening, and it’s easier to accept compliments from them.

    That being said, I was at a conference recently and a man behind me in the lunch line said “your earrings are really cool” (they were acorns; I’m in forestry) and I thanked him and we started talking about our field. Maybe it wasn’t threatening then because it was a conference full of people in my field, and the lunch line was long, and we were all hungry.

  19. [deleted]
    March 31, 2018 at 7:38 pm
    Reply

    [deleted]

  20. lolwuuut
    March 31, 2018 at 7:39 pm
    Reply

    “I like your shirt”

    “Thanks! I got it on clearance”

    I don’t know how to respond lol. I don’t feel like just saying thank you is enough when it’s a friend or co-worker

  21. PleasureNerd
    March 31, 2018 at 7:40 pm
    Reply

    The usual “Thanks,I got it from blah for £X” but if I’m lacking in self-confidence that day it’s usually “Oh thank you! You’re too kind”

    I used to hate it when people couldn’t take a compliment. Especially when they start fishing for more (when I was a teenager this was pretty common).

  22. frecklesandgeckos
    March 31, 2018 at 7:51 pm
    Reply

    This is a thing that I’ve been working on. I try (key word here) to accept the compliment with no added bad comments from me.

  23. allthisfuture
    March 31, 2018 at 7:52 pm
    Reply

    I say “Thanks!” because I feel the compliment is genuine most of the time. Sometimes it’s about my clothes, but most compliments I receive from strangers are about my hair.

    I’m really damn proud of my hair. It’s a *huge* part of my identity, and I painstakingly care for it because it means so much to me. When others acknowledge it in a genuine way, I feel seen and celebrated for the person I am.

    (Note: My hair is non-naturally colored)

  24. TequilaMockingbirdLn
    March 31, 2018 at 7:57 pm
    Reply

    I was always taught to say thank you when responding to a compliment and nothing more. As someone else mentioned, rebuffing a comment was thought to be insulting to the compliment giver. I was also taught to never say something like “This cost X dollars” because what you think is a bargain could be quite expensive for someone else and vice versa.

  25. [deleted]
    March 31, 2018 at 8:14 pm
    Reply

    When I was a teen I would always reject compliments that way. One day my boyfriend told me to just say thank you instead. I’ve been saying thank you ever since.

  26. Yvonne_Mom
    March 31, 2018 at 8:28 pm
    Reply

    I used to be negative. I say “Thank you!” with a huge smile now. Even if I don’t believe them…

  27. smasht407
    March 31, 2018 at 8:33 pm
    Reply

    “I love your new hair color it’s really pretty”

    Me: I know right? I love it!

    “That dress is really cute!”

    Me: “thanks! It’s one of my favorites, I’m glad the weather is nice enough to wear it again!”

    generally I think a compliment deserves a thank you and should be taken at face value. When someone compliments something I’m less confident in I do sometimes deflect a little but I still try to at least say thanks “thanks, I was nervous about curling my hair this way but that makes me feel so much better!”

  28. quabityashwoods
    March 31, 2018 at 8:41 pm
    Reply

    I decided to start accepting compliments and saying “Thank you” because I’m usually self-deprecating and used to make jokes in response to compliments.

    I work in a high school and I’ve noticed my students will make a sarcastic comment when I accept a compliment now, like, “Wow, you’re modest.” It’s like they think I’m arrogant for accepting them.

  29. lolbotomite
    March 31, 2018 at 8:54 pm
    Reply

    I love it! I get a lot of attention for my style, which I genuinely appreciate because I’m into clothes and makeup, so I’m happy to talk about it with anyone willing to listen. I mostly get compliments from women (from very little girls to much older women), but men rarely comment on my clothes without *additional* commentary, so I doubt they’d be interested in my outfit deetz.

  30. Him_Muse
    March 31, 2018 at 9:11 pm
    Reply

    When I was a teenager I was doing the rebuff thing a lot. I don’t think it had to do with masked insecurities as much as it had to do with an aversion of being put in a certain box.

    For example when I got compliments on my appearance I was worried I would be considered as “just a pretty girl”. That’s why rebuffing, especially with a funny twist, helped me show I was also humble and quick with a joke.

    Now I feel too old for all that drama… I’m happy when I get compliments and say thank you. But I always try to pay them back! If I hear my dress is nice I’ll see it as a chance to say “I like your hair today”.

    I accept compliments from all genders, but as a straight woman I get extra happy with compliments coming from men. Don’t know what that tells about me as a feminist, but it’s true.

  31. cecikierk
    March 31, 2018 at 9:13 pm
    Reply

    The weird thing is in China people often admire how well Americans accept compliments since you are expected to rebuff any compliments in China. A lot of people realized nowadays that expectations of rebuffing genuine compliments is very disingenuous and sometimes toxic.

    Honestly I don’t know where the author managed to find all these women who rebuffed compliments. In my experience (at least in North America) most women respond it with “thanks” as long as the compliments are not too weird, can be taken as backhanded, or over the top. Before I read the article I even assumed it must be a man giving compliments on random women’s appearance, because that’s really the only situation I can think of to get an assured rebuffing from 100% of the women.

  32. aalitheaa
    March 31, 2018 at 9:20 pm
    Reply

    “thank you!”

    if it has pockets “THANKS IT HAS POCKETS”

  33. summertimemagic
    March 31, 2018 at 9:34 pm
    Reply

    I usually smile and say something along the lines of “Thank you, that’s so nice of you to say.” That way I’m accepting the compliment and giving them a little compliment in return, which also makes me feel less awkward.

  34. dividend
    March 31, 2018 at 9:38 pm
    Reply

    If it’s an article of clothing, I normally respond with a bright smile and “Thanks!”

    If it’s a body part, like “Wow, you’re legs are so long!”, I normally just say, “Thanks, I grew them myself!”

    If it’s something I’ve cooked, I ask them if they’d like more of it, and then send them the link to the recipe later.

  35. sweadle
    March 31, 2018 at 9:49 pm
    Reply

    A sincere “Thank you!” isn’t just nice, but really the only courteous response.

    Practice it, even if you don’t like doing it.

  36. -Avacyn
    March 31, 2018 at 10:04 pm
    Reply

    Well, the obvious answer is: thank you!

    By the way, I noticed that people who do what you are doing are simply uncomfortable accepting compliments, and have a weird sense of it somehow being rude to simply fully accept and acknowledge a compliment. You could very easily replace your current behaviours of ‘rebunking’ the compliment, by simply complimenting the person back to have it be a shared thing:

    ‘Thank you, that’s so kind of you to say!’
    ‘Thank you, I really appreciate you telling me that!’

    This way you are also complimenting the other person, but not in a fake, insincerely ‘I love your dress too!’ kind of way.

  37. tyrannosaurusregina
    March 31, 2018 at 10:09 pm
    Reply

    “Thank you” unless it’s a catcall (which aren’t actually compliments most of the time, just dominance behaviors).

  38. sarah_atx
    March 31, 2018 at 10:12 pm
    Reply

    I read an article once that said you should say something like, “That’s so nice of you to say.” So you are complimenting their thoughtfulness. I usually just say Thanks, sometimes add that if I’m feeling nice.

  39. zombiemittens
    March 31, 2018 at 10:16 pm
    Reply

    I usually say “thanks, that is really kind of you to say”. That way I’m showing that I’m grateful, but also get to bounce some positivity back to them. It’s win-win!

  40. sward11
    March 31, 2018 at 10:23 pm
    Reply

    I would downplay until I taught myself to say thank you in college. I realized when people acted like whatever I complimented them in was nothing special/bad, it made me feel bad.

    Example:
    Me: your hair looks amazing! It’s so cute!
    Friend: ugh. I can’t stand it. It’s so messy and looks disgusting, haha!
    Me internally: *your hair looks so much better than mine ever could. I wonder what people think of my hair?! Do I need to change something?*

    Lots of stuff going on there, but it was just annoying to have my taste put down like that. Then I realized I did the same shit so I taught myself to just say thank you. I feel better now.

  41. littlest_lemon
    March 31, 2018 at 10:29 pm
    Reply

    I’m an extroverted gemini so I usually start impulsively monologuing about whatever has been complimented, explaining where I got it, what I like about it, how I styled it, and any fun experiences I’ve had while wearing it, before I notice the other party’s eyes glaze over and I thank them. 🍻

  42. eganmay
    March 31, 2018 at 10:41 pm
    Reply

    there is this drag queen called tatianna and she just “thank yeeeeewwwwwwwwww”s and i’ve now picked up on that/

  43. karleenamarx
    March 31, 2018 at 10:47 pm
    Reply

    Whoa I actually haven’t seen this since like… high school to be honest. I’m so dramatically gracious when I accept compliments I think it still looks like I’m a little iffy about what’s being said but I never counteract it with “oh no I’m actually horrible.” Most of my friends just give a smile and a big “thank you.” I wonder if it’s regional or something.

  44. jcrc
    March 31, 2018 at 10:57 pm
    Reply

    I caught myself in this weird habit of telling people where I got it or that I got it on sale (even if it wasn’t lol). After talking to my husband about it he said it was probably because my parents are super cheap so I feel guilty about having nice things. Enlightening!

    Or last week I braided my hair for work because i was too lazy to wash it. When my coworker said she liked it i said something like oh it’s just my dirty hair go-to. She said “oh alright then.” It’s such a social anxiety tick to explain everything and avoid compliments I guess.

  45. DConstructed
    March 31, 2018 at 11:02 pm
    Reply

    “Thank you”.

    My mother told me that that’s polite.

    Now depending on what is complimented it may have a flat, dry overtone. “Nice tits” get a flat “thanks”.

  46. 99celsius
    March 31, 2018 at 11:15 pm
    Reply

    I’m so vain. I’m all “Thanks girl, I’m killin it today right”

  47. kbol
    March 31, 2018 at 11:21 pm
    Reply

    I’ve practiced accepting compliments. It sounds silly, but I find it frustrating when people don’t accept my compliments, and it was hypocritical of me to do the same.

    Plus it avoids the compliment death spiral of “I love your hair!” “Omg no, it’s so greasy, yours looks so perfect!” “Ugh this took me three hours to do, I am *not* good at hair, unlike you who can just throw anything up and it looks perfect” … etc

  48. Marysthrow
    March 31, 2018 at 11:22 pm
    Reply

    I get random compliments from people at work and don’t know how to respond. They seem to laugh when I get a compliment on my hair being wavy/curly and I say “thanks, I fell asleep with it wet and didn’t brush it this morning!” because it’s the truth.

  49. chiefladydandy
    March 31, 2018 at 11:38 pm
    Reply

    TIL: I’m the literal worst at accepting compliments. I definitely deflect or rebuff them. It’s not to fish for more compliments, I swear. I’m just weirdly uncomfortable with praise.

    Thinking about it, when I was a kid I stood out and got complimented by teachers a lot, and that wasn’t great for me socially. My guidance counselor actually pulled me aside one day and told me some of the other kids thought I was stuck up and maybe I shouldn’t be that way. In my defense, I was an asshole kid, but only insofar as all kids are assholes sometimes. I guess I just subconsciously decided that being noticed and getting good feedback was bad. I also have a lot of issues with self-acceptance and genuinely don’t think I look particularly special. To other people, that must not be fun to deal with, so I guess it’s time to work on that.

    Professionally, I’m going to have to make a concerted effort to stop doing this. Partly I rebuff compliments because I’m relatively new and generally think I don’t do anything that’s particularly great, and partly I don’t want to seem stuck-up.

    Thanks for bringing up this topic, it was interesting to think about and now I know these habits probably drive people crazy.

  50. quartzite_
    March 31, 2018 at 11:40 pm
    Reply

    Always thanks, and an extra bit of (unnecessary) info for whatever reason. “Thanks, I got it at turnabout!” Thanks, it’s my moms!” “Thanks, they’re super stretchy!” “Thanks, isn’t the pattern great?”

  51. last10push
    March 31, 2018 at 11:42 pm
    Reply

    I always say thank you, smile, and leave it at that. I HATE it when people rebuff, because it feels like my nice gesture is being shot down.

  52. WorkEscape
    March 31, 2018 at 11:56 pm
    Reply

    I’m not sure why, but when someone compliments my necklace, shirt, pants, etc. I always touch it while saying thank you

  53. age-of-alejandro
    March 31, 2018 at 11:58 pm
    Reply

    I accept compliments and usually tell the person where I got it, lol.

    Generally my friends don’t rebuff. The main friends I compliment have been my friend for decades and we compliment each other all the time. Most of us have also spent a lot of time unpacking trauma and self esteem issues, so that probably helps?

    I don’t usually get rebuffed complimenting strangers, either though? They might get flustered, but they usually say thank you. I do phrase the compliment as, “where did you get (x)? I need it” about half the time, though, which might be why.

    However, I am generally wary of compliments from men? Like, I have received them from men who did not make me uncomfy (recently got told I was beautiful by the success at my local metaphysical shop and I was actually flattered) but that’s rare. If it’s genuine, I say thank you. If it’s basically cat calling, I pretty much ignore it.

  54. RudyW
    April 1, 2018 at 12:04 am
    Reply

    I’ve had to consciously break the habit of straight up rejecting the compliment. Now I say “thank you” but never without making a neutral jokey comment afterwards (e.g. “Thanks, this jacket makes me feel like I’m in Star Trek”). I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing but I still feel weird about just saying “thank you.” At least I don’t tack on anything negative anymore?

  55. khaleesi_onthatbeat
    April 1, 2018 at 12:59 am
    Reply

    If someone compliments my appearance I usually tell them they are wrong because I have shit self-esteem lol. i.e., “You’re so pretty” “uhhh get your prescription updated, i’m not pretty kthx bye”

    Or I just say nothing and remain quiet, letting their words bounce of the invisible wall of rejection. I refuse to acknowledge what they say.

    Sometimes I think people compliment me or others because they themselves are fishing for compliments. Like “wow your hair is so nice today!” “What, no its so dry and frizzy, i wish my hair was shiny and smooth like yours!”

  56. shreyups
    April 1, 2018 at 1:02 am
    Reply

    I’m a female, and I’ve pointed out to my female friends that they do this. Most of them don’t even realise it, which is kinda sad!

  57. shiann121
    April 1, 2018 at 1:34 am
    Reply

    I… I’m definitely guilty of rebuffing compliments. I don’t really know why. I don’t get them very often, so when I do, I don’t know how to react.

    For example, I recently had to chop off a lot of hair because I accidentally melted it. It’s a long story. Anyway, I’ve gotten a couple compliments on the cut but always answer with, “Thank you! I wouldn’t have gotten it this short, but I accidentally melted a lot of it off so I had to.” I don’t really know what else to say about it.

  58. galaxystarsmoon
    April 1, 2018 at 2:47 am
    Reply

    I’ve tried to be better about not rebuffing because I know people mean well and it can be off putting. I wouldn’t say I get complimented A LOT, but I work with mostly women that don’t dress up much/don’t do anything with hair or makeup, and I tend to play around a little with color and my outfits. So most comments I get are centered around that and I just try to be gracious and say thank you while shifting the convo away from myself.

    I don’t like being the center of attention so I know that’s why I’ve rebuffed in the past. I actually feel like I diffuse a lot more if the compliment is coming from a woman, because with a guy they say it, I thank them, and we move on about our day. With women, the 10,000 questions usually come with the compliment, where is it from, is it new, expensive, etc.

    One that I do get a lot is about my skin – I try to take good care of it and a lot of my coworkers go on about how nice it is. I always joked about it being makeup and would move on (i.e. rebuff) but I’ve come in a few times now with a bare face. So tl;dr they know what my skin is like and the questions shifted to what products I use and how much time I spend… I don’t want to nerd out with them on skincare so I always say something corny like moisturization is key! Always use sunscreen! Heh, I have good genes! … yeah, idek. I guess I do still rebuff sometimes is what I’m trying to say.

  59. Rustys_Shackleford
    April 1, 2018 at 2:59 am
    Reply

    I’m a fairly confident woman so if someone compliments something about me I say a “wow thanks so much!” And sometimes return a compliment back at them if I want to deflect attention away from myself for some reason, like “Wow rustys_shackleford I love your sweater!” “Thanks friend! Can you believe i found this at goodwill? I’m loving how you matched your lipstick with your dress.” Or whatever.

    Im pretty girly so if I get the vibe that they are too we can girl out but if not then I try to veer the subject more towards a book they’re reading, a class they’ve taken, some other accomplishment, etc. that’s not beauty/fashion related. This works well for avoiding yourself as a topic of conversation if you’re not that comfortable.

    Also, I’m approaching 30 so I find the older I get the more gracefully I accept a compliment. A quick “Thanks!” and a smile is just fine in 99% of cases, no need to overthink it.

  60. saint_aura
    April 1, 2018 at 3:24 am
    Reply

    I say a sincere thank you. A compliment is a gift, and one should accept a gift gratefully.

    I feel that responding with a negative sounds like a rejection of the honest and nice thing said to you.

  61. marbleonyx
    April 1, 2018 at 3:30 am
    Reply

    If someone says I’m pretty or my clothes look good or whatever I say “thanks, I try to be.” It’s sort of snarky and wry maybe. Probably need to workshop it but I like to draw attention to the fact that that being beautiful or stylish doesn’t necessarily mean effortless and I appreciate the acknowledgement for the time I put in.

  62. turkington19
    April 1, 2018 at 3:34 am
    Reply

    No way, I always accept compliments TOO hard. “Oh my gosh thank you, that was so nice of you to say”

  63. zydrateaddict23
    April 1, 2018 at 3:55 am
    Reply

    Typically I respond enthusiastically and thank them, if it’s someone that’s trying to hit on me sometimes I’ll just respond “thanks, I know”. Which is fun because hey have no idea how to respond, but 99% of the time I’m always glad for a compliment.

  64. Caramelthedog
    April 1, 2018 at 4:23 am
    Reply

    I tend to accept the compliment honestly. Someone has been kind enough to go out of their way to be nice to me, I’m not going to just disparage that.

    If it’s clothing or similar I usually say where I got it or something “I like/love it too. It’s just so pretty”. If it’s something I’ve done with my hair/makeup I’ll thank them for noticing the work that went into it because I’m not super good, so a compliment means I’ve achieved a goal. Anything else I’ll thank the person on and if the situation seems right use it as a starting point for a convo.

    Of course there is also that classic “thank you, I really like [item of theirs/something they’ve done] too”.

  65. 1988mariahcareyhair
    April 1, 2018 at 4:23 am
    Reply

    I once overheard a woman respond to a compliment by saying “I receive that” sincerely and it kinda changed my life. I try to graciously say thanks when I receive a compliment but with people I’m close to, I do tend to rebuff. Trying to get better.

  66. killerwhaletales
    April 1, 2018 at 4:42 am
    Reply

    I rebuff sometimes, but try not to. I usually just say a simple “thank you, it’s kind of you to notice”, particularly if it’s a stranger. If it’s a friend I tend to rebuff. Not sure why, maybe because I don’t want them to feel like they have to compliment me? I’ll usually it’s something like

    Friend: “I like your hair today!”

    Me: “thanks, I’m not really sure what it’s doing, but I’m glad it looks okay!”

  67. Insomniacassowary
    April 1, 2018 at 6:23 am
    Reply

    Besides saying “Thank you!”, I’ll usually add, “I’m glad you like it.”

  68. plumbum-dirigible
    April 1, 2018 at 7:24 am
    Reply

    If someone compliments my fashion, I generally just feel super flattered, so I’ll just thank them. If people compliment my appearance, then I don’t really believe them so I feel awkward accepting a compliment that I disagree with LOL. I’ve been trying to just accept the compliments though, because it’s (imho) a little rude to completely rebuff a compliment. I do get the super-quick “but I’m ugly” reflex sometimes though.

  69. whatthefudgeamidoing
    April 1, 2018 at 8:36 am
    Reply

    I’m the exact same way. I have no idea why I do this

  70. okayellie
    April 1, 2018 at 11:30 am
    Reply

    I am shy but I don’t want to seem obnoxious or like I’m fishing so I just say, “thank you!” And then frantically scan the person to see what I can complement them on because I feel awkward, like they’ve given me a gift and I don’t have a thank you card to give back.

  71. OrigamiKoi
    April 1, 2018 at 1:23 pm
    Reply

    “Oh thank you so much!”

  72. sweetcrunchyicecake
    April 1, 2018 at 1:41 pm
    Reply

    I deny them.

  73. SatsumaConsumer
    April 1, 2018 at 3:00 pm
    Reply

    I don’t like rebuffed compliments, so I always go with a smile and an ‘aww, that’s so sweet of you to say!’

  74. funobtainium
    April 1, 2018 at 4:24 pm
    Reply

    I say “Thank you!”

    If you rebuff a compliment, you’re obliquely saying the other person has bad taste or their eyes don’t work, and make the whole thing awkward and weird.

    I’ve been getting unexpected compliments lately from strangers on my t-shirts. I’m always taken aback, because though I choose stuff carefully and think they’re cool graphics, I don’t expect anybody else to notice for some reason.

  75. vanillabubbles16
    April 1, 2018 at 6:59 pm
    Reply

    Usually, “Thanks, IT’S from ____!”
    “Thanks, it has POCKETS! LOOK!”
    Or, “thanks, and I like your ___!”

  76. vanillabubbles16
    April 1, 2018 at 7:04 pm
    Reply

    Side note: I love complimenting people. I work in retail and I’m always complimenting customers and stuff whether it’s hair, wallet, outfit. I even got a “Oh really? Thanks! I was really unsure about how comfortable I was wearing this out but you just made my day!”

  77. OutrageousChick
    April 1, 2018 at 11:56 pm
    Reply

    Super awkward about compliments. I never know how to respond. So I do some dumb laugh or say something negative back. Example: I’m going to be married soon and my girl complimented me the other day about the new shirt she bought me looked nice on me and my immediate response was like “well I know I could look better in it.” Lol I couldn’t accept it.

  78. Sapphi_
    April 2, 2018 at 12:51 am
    Reply

    I say thank you and I’m genuine about it, I enjoy compliments!

  79. curvy11
    April 2, 2018 at 3:03 am
    Reply

    It depends. My students often tell me that I look cute/really good. Last week I was about to teach a calculus tutorial and my students plunged into telling me that I looked amazing, and sighing. I lost my train of thought because I was genuinely taken aback. It’s weird, but I kind of shrug it off since it is my female students telling me this and I realize that I am young. I try not to appear as if I am flattered because I don’t want to encourage it.

    If it is a friend/colleague we may discuss where I got my clothes from, and I receive it graciously. I have a few colleagues who have pointed it out on a few occasions, so I smile and we may engage for a few moments.

    I have also been a student and my instructor told me I should be a model because I always look so put together/nice, and again, since she was female, I kind of shrugged it off and said thanks, then moved on.

    If it’s a male, I try not to look too excited or thankful for the compliment because most of the time I am not interested. I just say thanks and move on.

    I guess I really only few comfortable if it’s another female who is of equal professional/social standing as myself.

  80. Susccmmp
    April 2, 2018 at 5:40 pm
    Reply

    I usually thank them and tell them I love it too or its my favorite or if there’s a story behind it, like most of my jewelry is vintage. If it’s something special to me I’ll start gushing about it.
    If I think they truly want to know I say where it’s from.

  81. pm_me_badgirlbutts
    April 2, 2018 at 6:40 pm
    Reply

    “Thanks, I love it. It’s new/vintage/a million years old and I’ll never throw it out.”

    If a woman tells me I’m ~so pretty, I usually make a joke that diffuses the discomfort I feel without making the compliment-giver regret saying it. Maybe a “Who, little old me?” [Bats eyelashes] or a good ironic hairflip with my “thank you.”

    If a man, especially one I’m not close with, gives me a compliment on my appearance that isn’t strictly clothing-specific (“I like your shoes,” “Your shirt is a great color,” whatever), I respond like someone who doesn’t give a shit, which I am. Skeeves me right the fuck out when strange men say shit like “you’re so pretty,” triple points if they’re a stranger on the street. *Just keep walking*.

  82. billnyethewifiguy
    April 2, 2018 at 9:11 pm
    Reply

    I smile, say thanks, and move on. I don’t think I’ve rebuffed since I was a preteen. I think it makes you look insecure when you rebuff, so I don’t do it.

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